D3 body, D1 cock
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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