come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
