I got chris browned last night
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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