she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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