Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
