No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
