pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i think i just lost a toe
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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