Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
