Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
