It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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