I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
