I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
