forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
