Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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