And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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