Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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