god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
