You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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