the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
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Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.