True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale