I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.