Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

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  (646): I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York. http://tfl.nu/ptqc
  Replies (34) Good night (7861) Bad night (754)
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  (619): View more from California

  i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out

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  (619): i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out http://tfl.nu/smzd
  Replies (20) Good night (733) Bad night (3408)
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  (845): View more from New York

  felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter

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  (845): felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter http://tfl.nu/o0yy
  Replies (33) Good night (1517) Bad night (6394)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So gin and wine won't be happening again

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  (603): So gin and wine won't be happening again http://tfl.nu/oyej
  Replies (16) Good night (964) Bad night (3479)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness

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  (480): I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness http://tfl.nu/10ex
  Replies (5) Good night (5071) Bad night (818)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.

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  (973): So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on. http://tfl.nu/d9b8
  Replies (9) Good night (1424) Bad night (3865)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

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  (858): Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in. http://tfl.nu/efr3
  Replies (12) Good night (4569) Bad night (1052)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...

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  (817): So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals... http://tfl.nu/dkvo
  Replies (13) Good night (2237) Bad night (742)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.

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  (502): I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can. http://tfl.nu/7z31
  Replies (4) Good night (1747) Bad night (922)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.

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  (732): He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment. http://tfl.nu/yahz
  Replies (2) Good night (1647) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!

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  (815): I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!! http://tfl.nu/xnab
  Replies (20) Good night (1108) Bad night (637)
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  (310): View more from California

  What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.

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  (310): What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business. http://tfl.nu/a4r2
  Replies (5) Good night (2266) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.

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  (409): Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY. http://tfl.nu/n49p
  Replies (11) Good night (423) Bad night (1536)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.

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  (604): Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy. http://tfl.nu/syw5
  Replies (4) Good night (571) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.

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  (301): Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask. http://tfl.nu/cyae
  Replies (4) Good night (493) Bad night (298)

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