I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
