The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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