I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life