have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
