I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
