I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it's like iHOP with fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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