Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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