come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
