shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In other news, I just burned my penis
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
