Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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