good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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