I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
