So drunk, too bad you don't want this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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