I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
