he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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