stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
