Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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