we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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