census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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