If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
