She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
