Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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