your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
