They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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