Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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