Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
