let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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