is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
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It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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