I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm passing your future prison.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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