After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
