I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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