I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize