I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
where am i from again
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
