***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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