Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize