On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
