Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
