I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
