I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
