I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
no, he came in my armpit
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
