It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
