Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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