physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
