dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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