the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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