I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
