i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
